missing darius

dear darius,

i don't understand why i have to make you gone. i got a lot to tell you. you know.. no.you don't know. so now i'm telling you. my life sorta changed. i changed?no. my life did.confused.somehow screwed.  almost 3years without you,  it's been so long since i hold you. it takes only 2years to now i'm still remember you. after i left that school. i met many people, but yet not abundant. and.. as you knew me, get close to just a few of them. them, i call friends. i love my friends. some already gone like they didn't even knew me. some will talk back. some will always be beside. i don't know.. some just don't love and understand like you did. you never judged me. never hurt me when i tore you after those impulsive writings of mine(mostly not really mine :P), made you missing the pages of you. and now i'm missing you. i miss how much i did plagiarism on you.haha.but now i'm writing the original mine. wrote mostly confused words on you. wrote about my crush that time. naaaa now i'm trying to remember his name and i've done forgotten! still.. yes i still remember instead hahahahaha. i miss the times. sad, regret, happy, i love to be emotional with you because you know, you never judged me. hey i want to tell you this one thing, i used to have a boy i wish i had when i was a child. don't you remember i once told you. don't you? pleasee please remember. hah, you know what, you won't remember. because in my lifetime with you, i never told you that, hahaha. oke, sorry i forgot to tell you. i was truly happy with him until i got to know my mum in truth don't like us to be.together. i'm so mad with my mum. i can't stopped my tears until i realized, mum knows the best. i should love my mum first before i love other that don't have right on me. and since he did changed. being unreal, he did made me upset. i left him. but still i love him.so much.  i feel that Allah creates the distance between us is to help us fix ourselves. and now i feel that he did fixed.he always be a strong child, a childish boy and a rare gentleman that i'm proud of.that's real him.i won't blame him on his single mistake.he is still imperfect, same as me and others, no one perfect. and i, i don't really know myself. everything is confusing. when he is the one that means for me, someday we will be together again. only Allah knows how hard to let him go. how hard to forget. in fact i never can forget. i still remember our initial times together, i feel so strong. like i found my soul. i'm so grateful. but i don't know when the land will be drenched on a beautiful sunny day. a beautiful sunny day, breezing.a mild wind passed through my hair gently and whisper to my ears that the rain will come. it did came. i hated when the day i was at my school hostel and it was raining like cats and dogs, and i'm alone.i heard invisible high tone voices chasing after me. i put on my palms on my ears and ran to crowded place. then i felt relieved.the voices gone. it was like starting of prep time. haha. i don't know why i always hear that voices. maybe it just rain sound that my brain misinterpreted. i miss those weekend mornings after breakfast sitting on the stair nearby the field. sitting there, alone. breathing damp air, bird flying, empty tennis court, green grasses, blue sky, what a miracle for me.

you always be one of those that i miss.

love,

hug and kisses from me.