it is strange but it is real.

music pick, taylor swift ;)

walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy ,vanished when i saw your face.

all i can say is it is enchanting to meet you

your eyes whispered, " have we met?" across the room. your silhouette, starts to make its way to me ,the playful conservation starts, counter all you quick remarks like passing notes in secrecy.

and it was enchanting to meet you

all i can say is i was enchanted to meet you

i'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home. i spend forever wondering if you knew that

i was enchanted to meet you.

the lingering question keep me up, 2am, who do you love? i wonder until i wide awake. now i'm packing back and forth, wishing you were at my door. i'd open up and you would say

this is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the story line ends. 

this nite is flawless, don't you let it go. i'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone.

this song best describe my feeling tonite. hahaha i'm lonely but really happy. this is strange but real.

waiting for the dawn.

skinny pulse

hye.. now is 0332am and i'm so hungry. i guess i gain no weight.sometimes i'll be doing simple exercises, i just can't stand myself not sweating for even a day. this holiday,waking up late making me keep skipping my own breakfast. each day getting skinnier, wider gap between my thighs.  but i have usual hunger at nite.very hungry.therefore,i shall eat.and gain no weight. haha.it's really sokay because i love myself this way. if i'm heavier than present, maybe my joint pains will getting worst.it will burden my knees. oh i love my God, so grateful. when everyone telling me that i am too skinny and too ugly and have to gain more weight and have to eat a lot and blablablabla, hahahahaha. you know wat... i refused to sink in your damn opinions. so you think i'm a skinny shit well, i not gonna do any fattening process. i not gonna live up to your standard because at last the reality is me myself have to carry my own figure wit my own life and my own pains. so shut up.

i knew some girls are really sensitive about their weight. no matter wat size you are, skinny, big or mediun. every of you is beautiful. as i believe purity of your heart makes you beautiful. that's real. be real. live wit your own cuteness ;)

but make sure you're healthy.

this is my legs.

oke not. this is turmeric. i am officially in love wit this. i'll write later about this hot stuff.

potatoes potate

i hate being compared. they made me felt stupid to be happy.to be my own self. i think from now on i have just to write black and white with pictures only. no colors or everything informal. maybe they'll be satisfied. watever you said, please know, i do care. and you make me scarifying who i am by your own self thoughts.

missing darius

dear darius,

i don't understand why i have to make you gone. i got a lot to tell you. you know.. no.you don't know. so now i'm telling you. my life sorta changed. i changed?no. my life did.confused.somehow screwed.  almost 3years without you,  it's been so long since i hold you. it takes only 2years to now i'm still remember you. after i left that school. i met many people, but yet not abundant. and.. as you knew me, get close to just a few of them. them, i call friends. i love my friends. some already gone like they didn't even knew me. some will talk back. some will always be beside. i don't know.. some just don't love and understand like you did. you never judged me. never hurt me when i tore you after those impulsive writings of mine(mostly not really mine :P), made you missing the pages of you. and now i'm missing you. i miss how much i did plagiarism on you.haha.but now i'm writing the original mine. wrote mostly confused words on you. wrote about my crush that time. naaaa now i'm trying to remember his name and i've done forgotten! still.. yes i still remember instead hahahahaha. i miss the times. sad, regret, happy, i love to be emotional with you because you know, you never judged me. hey i want to tell you this one thing, i used to have a boy i wish i had when i was a child. don't you remember i once told you. don't you? pleasee please remember. hah, you know what, you won't remember. because in my lifetime with you, i never told you that, hahaha. oke, sorry i forgot to tell you. i was truly happy with him until i got to know my mum in truth don't like us to be.together. i'm so mad with my mum. i can't stopped my tears until i realized, mum knows the best. i should love my mum first before i love other that don't have right on me. and since he did changed. being unreal, he did made me upset. i left him. but still i love him.so much.  i feel that Allah creates the distance between us is to help us fix ourselves. and now i feel that he did fixed.he always be a strong child, a childish boy and a rare gentleman that i'm proud of.that's real him.i won't blame him on his single mistake.he is still imperfect, same as me and others, no one perfect. and i, i don't really know myself. everything is confusing. when he is the one that means for me, someday we will be together again. only Allah knows how hard to let him go. how hard to forget. in fact i never can forget. i still remember our initial times together, i feel so strong. like i found my soul. i'm so grateful. but i don't know when the land will be drenched on a beautiful sunny day. a beautiful sunny day, breezing.a mild wind passed through my hair gently and whisper to my ears that the rain will come. it did came. i hated when the day i was at my school hostel and it was raining like cats and dogs, and i'm alone.i heard invisible high tone voices chasing after me. i put on my palms on my ears and ran to crowded place. then i felt relieved.the voices gone. it was like starting of prep time. haha. i don't know why i always hear that voices. maybe it just rain sound that my brain misinterpreted. i miss those weekend mornings after breakfast sitting on the stair nearby the field. sitting there, alone. breathing damp air, bird flying, empty tennis court, green grasses, blue sky, what a miracle for me.

you always be one of those that i miss.

love,

hug and kisses from me.

habits change into character

wtf?(well that's fantastic). all these same happened to me, number 2, 4 and 5 were done technically when i was a child, and maybe you too.i dont know wat i was thinking. haha. you know... it's all about creating creative habits rather than restrictions.

addictive in blowing bubbles~~~~~~~

i din't really have friends during my childhood.just playing wit myself , talking to myself and happy wit myself. enjoy drawing and writing all over the walls instead on the drawing paper. my mother rarely allowed me to play outside. but sometimes when my mother slept or busy wit house works, i sneaked out cycling around my neighborhood area. feeling like rapunzel sneaking out of the tower to see firecracker. hah, joke :P and when i bruised or skinned my knees, i went back home and never ever let my mum knewwwwWWWW, or else i'll have a 24 hours lecture and in some case she will adds more hours to advance the credit. oke.. i know you don't really get me hahahahahahahaha